Mani
Photo by Sreevidhya
If Karthik’s mother knew the roots of a jasmine sapling weren’t the only thing the boys had just buried in the family garden, Mani wondered how her delicate features might have contorted instead.
Only able to make out his own name in the mother and son’s rapid English argument, his eyes soon wandered over the clay roof tiles and to the opening of the peacock-blue sky in the ceiling behind their heads. As his folded hands trembled behind his back and a turmoil of emotions brewed in the pit of his stomach, he tried to comfort himself by recalling the way Chinnaiyya [1], no, Karthik was leaning on the back gate with his arms crossed earlier that morning, the smooth polyester of his shoes and the silver brand name on his neon shorts shining in the sun. He had been waiting there, just for him! Eyes glinting under parted fringes, Karthik had flashed a brilliant, movie star grin at him, “Mani! There you are! You’re the only one I want to trust with my secret. Quick, grab that hoe! This will be the birth of our friendship!”
Realizing Karthik and his mother were silently staring at him, Mani flinched and curled his toes on the rough concrete floor. Trying to look them in the eyes through the purple afterimage of the sky clouding his vision, he apologized profusely in Tamil, “I am extremely sorry, Akka [2]! This will never happen again, I promise to you on Lord Muruga. I’m really, very sorry!”
The young woman’s lace-bordered nightgown fell to her ankles with grace. A few strands of her hair were hanging undone from her bun and flying into her eyes, causing her to bat her long eyelashes so often that Mani wondered whether she may be crying or not. Wrapped tightly around a book titled ‘Kalki’s Classic Short Stories’, her slender arms which didn’t have a single hair growing on them shone with the translucence of a pearl. Was he certain she didn’t just step out of a Santoor TV commercial? She glanced at him, causing his heart to skip a beat but her eyes almost immediately flitted away and she turned her head to the half-open door of her room, her gold jimikkis [3] shaking vigorously. She murmured firmly, “Subramaniyan, you may return to your work.”
He clenched his jaw, Mani recognised her demeanour, “Alright, Akka. Thank you, Akka!”
Twisting his sweaty hands, he kept his eyes trained on the floor as he headed to the backyard, where he was originally supposed to be helping cut down a coconut tree. “Mani! Would you please wait for me out front?”
It was Karthik’s voice. Mani scampered in the opposite direction, a blend of elusive scents momentarily teasing his senses when he passed them, “Of course, Anna [4]!”
Crouching beside the wooden doorway, he played with the frayed ends of his shorts. He studied a trail of red ants which stretched from a crack in the wall beside him to a scooter parked at the other end. Their antennas quivered before they touched, acknowledging each other’s presence and moving on. Why couldn’t humans be as simple as those ants? A new, gravelly voice joined the conversation inside and at last, they switched to Tamil. It was Karthik’s grandmother, the lady of the house and she had as many kind words to share as she had wrinkles on her face, “I was the one who told Karthi he entered from the back gate. The old Mani is lost and a new Mani has been befriended. Let the boy play with him!”
A murmur.
“A what?”
The younger woman’s voice rang out in frustration, “Harijan [5]!”
There was a moment of silence before the conversation erupted with renewed vigour. Mani expected it but it still ate at his insides all the same. Like a bubbling pot of rasam, he felt his emotions rising up and pressing on his lungs, making it hard for him to breathe. For the first time in his life, he felt like he deserved the full implications of that word. What had he just done!? At what cost? Did he even deserve to tend to the calves or play with his little brother with those hands anymore?
A shadow fell over him, “Let’s go to our spot before my mother changes her mind. Come on!”
Scrambling up, Mani fell into step behind Karthik. The white, concrete alleys and walls rife with black mould were narrow and the occasional overhanging creepers hung low but everything seemed to close in on him more than usual on that short walk. He wondered if the residents peered at him through their windows, not daring to check himself.
Photo by Sreevidhya
Karthik slowed his pace to walk beside him, laughing and kicking a stone out of the way, “Why did you apologize to her? My mother was angry at me for leaving the house without informing her and dirtying my good clothes. Why do I have to report to her every time? She’s so goddamn controlling!”
He kicked another stone against the wall and into the gutter, “Did you hear the way she yelled at me? I’m sixteen!”
They stopped before an asbestos gate. Fitting a key in the lock, Karthik looked up at him as he turned it, “It must be fate that we are named after the same God. I can’t believe I don’t know this but Mani, how old are you?”
“I’m twelve, Anna.”
A startled flock of mynas took off from the ground, chattering harshly in protest as the gate swung open. Unlike the main house, only family members could visit that garden and Karthik’s grandmother preferred to let its vegetation have the luxury of growing however it pleased. If it wasn’t for the variety of flowers, anyone might have thought they stepped into a wild plot of land. Bolting the gate shut, they wandered behind a hibiscus shrub and past rows of marigolds until they stood before the freshly tilled earth of a jasmine plant.
Karthik suddenly grabbed his hands and held them together, an intense fire burning in his eyes, “Mani, I am honoured you decided to be my true friend. No one, literally no one in this place has half the heart and strength that you have.”
When Mani felt his face flush and averted his gaze, the other boy yanked his hands to make him look at him again, “If I had gone to my mother, father or grandmother, they would have made it into a big deal, might have even sent me to a mental facility god knows where and the whole village would have come to know! You saved me!”
Releasing him, Karthik turned his back on him and nodded his head at the jasmines, “Really, what we both need is peace. Tch! You understand what I mean?”
Mani sank down onto a concrete slab. He didn’t know what to say. He had great admiration for him but he wondered if any of it was now governed by fear. Looking at the boy’s heaving shoulders, he certainly felt a chill run down his spine. He nodded along every time their eyes met.
Suddenly, Karthik slammed his fist into the wall behind Mani, causing him to jump in his seat and nearly choke on his own spit. Karthik doubled over his hand, “That hurt like a…! Argh, Jesus! I’m sorry, do you see what I mean? They drive me insane!”
A rock sailed over Mani’s head, “Damn it! I have to return home tomorrow to the piles and piles of work, deadlines, arguments! I didn’t ask for this!”
Pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing deeply, he trudged over to Mani who was by now trembling like leaves in a rainstorm and he instinctively sprang up when Karthik towered over him. He half expected to be thrown over the wall like a limp scarecrow and eyed the bolted gate, wondering if he should make a run for it.
“Look, look, sit down. I’m sorry, I’ll explain it to you better.”
Karthik grabbed his thin wrist and dragged him down to the slab with him, not releasing his vice-like grip even as his cold ring dug into Mani’s skin, “Everyone has a deep respect for my parents; they are extremely sincere in their work. I would too if I wasn’t their son and knew the monsters they can turn into.
“When I was a child, I never doubted them. I always did everything they told me to. But of course, as I grew up, my ignorance slowly crumbled. It revealed the injustices but I was not able to do anything about them because everyone loved them so damn much; even now!”
Karthik dropped his wrist once more but the boy couldn’t run away even if he wanted to. His magnetic eyes brimming with tears froze Mani in his place, like a cobra before a snake-charmer, “For example, when I was less than your age, I once asked my father about something that I can’t recall now and can you guess his response? ‘Bash your skull against the wall!’ I almost did it only to shut him up and make him realize the impact of his terrible words! But then I thought I might hit my head too hard and die trying to prove something to this worthless human being, so I didn’t. Even now I debate whether I should have or not.”
He paused and Mani hurried to fill the silence, “Y-yes, that is horrible, Anna.”
Karthik shook his head, laughing through his tears, “You are so loyal, maybe even more so than the other Mani. That one never listened to me. Look, that incident was nothing. Not knowing what to do with my disgust, my-my anger, my rage, I have to take it out on the things around me. Now, if only this one…”
Looking over at the fresh earth around the jasmine sapling, his voice cracked, “If only this stupid one didn’t break his chain and run out of the house while I had an argument with my mother this morning, then I wouldn’t have wanted to… It’s not my fault I was born into that family!”
Hearing those last, few words, Mani felt like they were not so different. He was not an idiot, he knew why someone used to the comforts of the city would approach a little village boy to dig a secret hole in the ground and yet he couldn’t help but pity him. He placed his small hand on his shoulder, beaming up at him with the radiance of a thousand suns and once Karthik smiled back, not another word was needed.
As Karthik was whisked away back to his world with the unfamiliar and musky scents of car air fresheners and suitcases stored under beds for too long, Mani silently prayed for his new friend as he and the lady of the house waved his silver car goodbye. Karthik never returned to his hometown, never drove past the rolling hills, the women hunched over in the sun-tipped paddy fields or endless rows of coconut trees.
Whenever Mani felt overwhelmed, small or lost, he found himself visiting their spot and taking comfort in the only reminder of what once was. Karthik’s grandmother said he was busy with his studies abroad but Mani was certain he knew the real reason why he could never bring himself back to his former friend. He didn’t blame him, he never did. Their sweet and innocent scent overwhelmed his senses; the boys’ jasmines bloomed abundantly like stars, drawing life from the rotting carcass underneath.
Closing his eyes, Mani bowed his head. In the end, all that remained was the beginning.
Tamil terms:
[1] Chinnaiyya – (village slang) young master
[2] Akka – older sister
[3] Jimikki – traditional ear ornament
[4] Anna – older brother
[5] Harijan – Individuals who are at the bottom of or outside the caste system